i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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