Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
