That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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