I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
