She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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