we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
NoShamevember. You game?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
