I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
