He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
