life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
