Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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