Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
