Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
