I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
