Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
