i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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