pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
