I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
