im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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