They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
