I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
