eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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