my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
