That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my liver is dry heaving
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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