I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
