don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
