nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
