Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
