careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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