ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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