ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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