I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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