If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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