Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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