Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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