Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
