i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
