That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
