He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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