I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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