Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
