i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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