She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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