Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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