Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
