Me too!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
