he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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