...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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