I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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