Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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