The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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