I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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