Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
