My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm passing your future prison.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
