dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
