There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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