I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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