Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
