Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
