Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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