In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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