captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
