He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
