she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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