mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize