dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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