My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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