the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
