My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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