I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
