May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
