It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
