there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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