there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is my gift to your gina
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
