I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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